Maddeningly Me

Gainfully Unemployed!

2008-05-04T23:06:00.003+05:30

For the University of Mumbai the academic year ends on the 30th of April. And that's what it did this year too. This of course has no bearing on the fact that the exams are still ongoing. Students are still "studying"; and teachers, still in the midst of the aforementioned students' thoughts. (Now here and we shall not dwell on whether these thoughts are any way kindly!)

As a teacher affiliated to the university, the tenure of my contract also ended with the end of April. But life is so very brilliant, and so the one paper that has been postponed into the middle of May was one that I taught. So of course, I shall be little at peace until I get to know that most people remembered to write the exam.
Till then and beyond, I shall be attempting to fill my hours gainfully (which does NOT involve staring at the television!).

good luck to me !!!!!

Good Luck!

2008-03-23T16:51:00.002+05:30

From tomorrow, my itty-bitty kiddies (ok, so they are not itty-bitty. they are grown adults, and only act like kids!) start their exams. Practicals, followed by theory exams placed intermittently over a month and a half. Such a nice time - table, somebody may say... and I quite agree. For the moment.

The last line is in honour of the dear University of Mumbai, an institution that has effected multiple changes in the Final year Psychology course Time - table itself. Not counting the various "rumored changes" of course. Shifting practical dates and jumping theory ones have caused me to take it one zero change day at a time. Not that it affects my life all that much as a teacher thats not been hooked into correcting papers; but I do like to be up-to-date with the happenings around me when students call to verify the latest rumor.

So, anyway, with no changes intimated to me yet, i venture to say that my students start exams tomorrow. I hope they conduct the practicals well, and answer a few VIVA questions too - with the right answers. But I'm not too worried. I thinkum they will.

I'm hopping around with worry, not about the students, as much as about the exam itself, since ours is a brand new department, and this is the very first official exam being held. Hopefully, nothing will be considered too out - of - the - place.

Anyway, it seems am blabbering. so I shall stop that and get back to worrying in peace. Good Luck Kids!! (not that any of them reads my blog... so that was not really much use!)

Happy Women's Day.... and all that!

2008-03-08T12:59:00.002+05:30

It's "Women's Day". I hate to be sarcastic about the one day the female of the human species is celebrated, but what to do? It still does not make too much sense to me. We still hear of dowry related problems every other day.... and women are still the only ones who work at home! So why bother? If the best thing an unmarried woman can do is get married, and she is still known in relation to the men of the house, just where is her identity?

Now, don't get me wrong! I love the concept of womens day. And all the freebies that go along with it. It feels good to hear all the lavish praise about the greatness of being a "Woman". All I'm wondering is... where does it all go for all the other days? Which cave is it hidden in? Because, Women do not (or at least this one does not) ask for much. Appreciation of the efforts taken, acknowledgment in the form of a little help whenever possible with the every-day, and acceptance - less bickering about who we are.

I think women's day will be every day that there are two equal halves in a couple, wholeness to an individual, respect for good work done; regardless of whether the doer was male or female, and the freedom for a person to be whoever they want to be.... homemaker, scientist, corporate person, slob, educator, or any of the thousands of job titles out there. And that's going to be Men's Day too.

Dream on ....... :)

Just How Cool !!!

2008-02-11T15:25:00.000+05:30

Brrr... and then some! Thats how I've been for the last few days.

Mumbai / Bambai / Bombay... whatever you like calling the city, is - contrary to the thoughts of many, not hell. I can vouch for that now because it did (at least to an extent) freeze over. And hell, it is said does not freeze. (Or at least I hope so. I promise every uninteresting guy that I will think about him when hell freezes over.)

I'm a regular when it comes to using shawls, sweaters, and all that. But most years, I look like a total nut, being the only one wearing anything remotely warm in the non-existent winter here. but this year, I had lots of company. Sale of woollies shot up this year as Mumbai touched record lows that went into single digits for a total number of days that went into double digits. Over the winter, we've had just over three weeks of bitter cold in total, with the last cold spell lasting a week and a half at a stretch. The official lowest we saw was 8.5 degrees Celsius... though some claim it was much lower.
To add to it, I live in the suburbs, and we traditionally are lower by a degree or so as compared to the city. Freeze off oh fingers... and So much the better for the shawl-sellers!

When I was a student at Ruia, I roamed about getting odd looks - thanks to my affinity for woolens. So this year, as a lecturer there, I was wondering how my students dear would respond to a bundled up teacher. But why worry? I have students who are far better at the art. And needed at Ruia, I may add; since we on the top floor are treated to a wonderful and energizing continuous breeze that blows in from over the Arabian sea! I'm just amazed at the number that turned up through it all... and that too for writing a set of exams! I'm quite proud of them I must say....

My Hogwarts House

2008-02-04T17:50:00.001+05:30

The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw!

Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest."

Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.
Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron's affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine's editor)

Incedently, my scores for Gryffindor and Hufflepuff were just a mark less. I wonder, does the Sorting Hat worry at such times... about scoring errors, situational factors and all that error variance? Or does it just follow the "Highest Score Assignment" strategy?

Well, Happy Sorting! :)

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

FREE !!!!

2008-01-29T06:59:00.000+05:30

I am amused. Very amused. This mirth is because I have encountered the most rocking "free" offer ever!
Ma bought a box of strawberries the other day. The typical thing... rectangular cardboard box, full of green stuff, n a sparse layer of strawberries on top. Mostly it's a waste of money, but I suppose her actions were governed by the years of tradition that insist one must eat the fruit of the season! So anyway, to continue - she bought the strawberries, and handed the box over to me to 'deal with'.Meaning, check if all the strawberries are in decent non-pulpy condition, fill into container, and dispose off the rest.

So of course, I had to do something to feel like I was not being very helpful! After disposing off the strawberries (some stomach wards), I started rummaging through the green stuff to "check for more strawberries" - basically to make a nuisance of myself.
And wonder of wonders.... I did find something! Not red and triangular faced with green hair and freckles, but slender and green and hot! A very pretty hari mirchi! Now of course, I had the license to do this in style..... and dumped the whole thing out and sorted through it. I ended up with enough green chilli's to use for a couple of spicy meals at least.

I'm liking this. Free offers, zindabad!

PING!

2008-01-22T22:21:00.000+05:30

Ok. So the Mad One writes again. After sparing the minds that chance upon this page for nearly a year, she is out to cause cognitive injury again. Apparently, the treatment failed.

This time there is no attempt to decide on time-lines, frequency of torture, or any such thing. She learns from the past, and does not attempt it this time.

And she is obsessed with being different, so while people all over the world return from breaks with bangs, she insists on doing it with a PING!

Good luck, ye poor souls....

The Great Urban Indian Shadi: A Prequel (The Unwed Friend)

2007-02-24T22:57:00.000+05:30

When Indian urban women marry, they buy tonnes of stuff... clothes for the trousseau, jewelery, utensils taking the top 3 spots. But the bride ain't the only one.

An important player in the game of spending money is the yet-unwed friend. Or her parents. Each bride has about 3 or 4 of these. There is great deliberation about just which saree to drape, or which lengha to wear... whether each of the decided sarees has a blouse on it - or should a new one be stitched? What kind of jewelery goes best with which of the decided garments... all that jazz. The beauty parlor is visited, and various bits of makeup are experimented with. Basically, a great deal of effort gets taken. the major reasons for this could be:

A threat on part of the bride that her friend "better look good".
An insistence about showing off their kid on part of one or more parental figures.
A desire on part of the girl herself to steal her ma's best saree, by wearing it and then staking a claim later.
The "you're next" theory: getting used to being a christmas tree.

After all this effort, one wonders what this young lady will be up to during the wedding. Well, most likely, she will spend a greater of her time playing second rung host, and running all over the freaking place (possibly faster than her her apparel will allow) to find people or things. When she is not doing that, she will be taking charge of the bride and all that is associated with her - getting her ready, giving her anything she needs, including moral support and comfort and helping her relax by giving her gossip on what's happening besides the wedding.

She ends the whole episode by wondering why she couldn't have been in jeans.. and so much more comfortable. Not like anyone was looking at her anyway! But she's got a few things out of it. Like ma's neatest saree.

And so forth marches the wedding season.

Hydra

2007-01-10T00:55:00.000+05:30

The gigantic mythological monster gave its name to the tiny thing in the sea. but before the Greeks came up with concept of the Hydra came the biggest of them all - Life. Ever noticed the funny way life has of replacing every jhol thats resolved with another? Almost as if the new question rises from the fact that one has made peace with the earlier. And how when one reason to smile disappears, the smiles don't? They take time, but soon find a way out for some other reason.

May be, we should start celebrating new beginings and 'ringing in the new' when we experience these shifts too. From the old head of the hydra, to the new.
And more power to u!

I just wonder what happens when you manage to get rid of all the heads. Thats Nirvana, may be.

Nuu Jaab!

2006-12-17T16:25:00.000+05:30

Finally, after a longish hiatus, I have re-entered the world of the employed. Albeit part time. But I'm liking it. (1 must not use the catch line of another.)

I now work as a counsellor (someone pray for the poor souls I counsel) and researcher in a headache clinic. One of the first things I intend to research is if the migraines are more intense after interaction with the counsellor.

What I really get kicks out of though, is that everyone calls me 'doctor'. From the staff to the patients. Fun. :D

Yeh hosla - Dor.

2006-11-19T23:20:00.000+05:30

Yeh Hosla: Dor (movie by Nagesh Kukunoor)
Lyrics by: Mir Ali Hasain
music by: Salim-Sulaiman

A beautiful song. Amazing lyrics; amazingly inspiring.

Yeh Hosla Kaise Jhuke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke...

Manzil Mushkil To Kya,
Dundla Sahil To Kya,
Tanha Ye Dil To Kya... Ho Hooo

Raah Pe Kante Bikhre Agar,
Uspe To Phir Bhi Chalna Hi Hai,
Sham Chupale Suraj Magar,
Raat Ko Ek Din Dhalna Hi Hai,

Rut Ye Tal Jayegi,
Himmat Rang Layegi,
Subha Phir Aayegi... Hoooo

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke...

Hogi Hame Toh Rehamat Ada,
Dhup Kategi Saaye Tale,
Apni Khuda Se Hai Ye Dua,
Manzil Lagale Humko Gale

Jurrat So Baar Rahe,
Uncha Ikraar Rahe,
Zinda Har Pyar Rahe... Hoooo

Yeh Hosla Kaise Jhuke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke...

Face-Lift

2006-11-02T22:04:00.000+05:30

Things undergo change.
Yesterday, while in town, I noticed that Briton; an old Irani restaurant that closed down earlier this year is reopening as a lounge. Looks like the owner has decided to fit it into the new paradigm.

Dad introduced me to Briton. I loved their sandwiches and fresh juices... and the prices. This made the restaurant one of those I frequented often. And introduced my friends to. Have a lot of happy memories about that place; with people, and alone. Like the time I went there with a close friend and her now beau, or the times I sat alone and watched the other people in the place. Or the time I took someone who I was really sweet on. Or the time I sat and nibbled on a sandwich for an hour swapping gossip with a few friends.

I will miss that old Briton. I have already missed it for some time, actually. But I'm glad it's getting a new face, and a new life. And I'm glad that Briton will once again be a place to make memories in, and not just a place to remember in memories.

The odd pearl.....

2006-10-10T12:48:00.000+05:30

If, at the end of a relationship, u can cry about that loss into the arms of the one you have just been broken from; he is worth taking every chance for... worth taking every risk for.... every effort for...

Rings, Smiles, and Love.

2006-09-13T15:24:00.000+05:30

A few days ago one of my closest friends got engaged. It was a lovely ceremony; and the couple look so good together, are so much in love. The way they look at each other, it's enough to bring smiles of affection to all those who see them.
Today I found out that another of my closest friends is also planning to tie the knot with her beau.. maybe some time next year. The joy, the hope that surrounds her is just so so beautiful!

This adds to the steadly increasing list of friends who are in the process of crossing that threshold of marriage. So many tales of people meeting, of being in love, of dreaming happy dreams.
Happiness and love all around. :) It almost makes me want to hope that a little of this magic rubs off onto my life.....

Yes, it does seem a beautiful world, when I look at them all.

2006-08-21T22:11:00.000+05:30

Today I got a letter. Now I know this in itself is not a very amazing thing to happen. Many people receive many letters everyday. That's the reason the postal dept. still functions. What makes it noteworthy, is that this letter is from someone who I met with very briefly.

I met Ash at a military selection camp. We hit it off a little easier when we found out that we came from the same city(and could bitch about the same problems). And besides that, there was little we had in common; except maybe, our mutual appreciation of theatre. Five days we spent doing more or less the same things. At the end, she got through, while I was routed out on physical grounds. We'd exchanged phone numbers, so we kept in touch. Back home, we met up for a play and had the odd shopping session with other girls we'd met at the camp. And somewhere through this, we realised we trusted each other really well.

Then Ash left for the training academy... and something in me told me that this was probably the end of a really neat acquaintance. Well, it seems that little voice was wrong. I'm glad. Really glad.

2006-08-10T00:21:00.000+05:30

Lately I've spent a lot of time fretting over a feeling of emptiness in my life. One that scares me. Rather foolish behaviour. Esp. when I know that...

I am blessed. With people who look out for me, and care about me. With people who want me to succeed, and be happy. People who are ready to help me on the way there. People who stand by unconditionally.
I am blessed with people who want to know me. With people who find it in their hearts to share their joys, sadness, their lives with me. People who trust me, have faith in me.
I have been blessed with people who can make me smile, and people who, though they were a fleeting part of my life, enriched it for evermore.

I truly am lucky to have all these treasures. It is more than what most can lay a claim on!

Painfully Scary

2006-07-16T23:39:00.000+05:30

The blasts that took place on 7/11 were a painful experience. In terms of the fear that someone known may have been there. In terms of the anger I felt at the ideas behind such attacks. In terms of the personal grief that while I seem to have escaped... So many others did not.

But what was most painful was the city the day after. So many claim that the city is back on it's feet. So many have carried on the tasks left undone. So many have been able to smile. So many have been able to, in bits, forget. I rank among that many. And that is a painful realisation.

I believe that we have become immune to the fear, the terror. Maybe it shows the extent to which we, as a city have been scarred. Scab over scab has finally formed a barrier which nothing can pierce. We now rally around, pick up, and carry on. We no longer are able to experience the shock that incidents like these are supposed to have. Or maybe we have been shocked beyond response by the continual attacks on this city. Unless, we have directly suffered a loss.

I wonder, though I do hope not... If this is the beginning of the end of human experience of each others pain....

A conversation about strength/weakness

2006-07-07T23:22:00.000+05:30

The last post lead to a long conversation with a dear friend. She belongs to the ranks of the strong, while I am a self-confessed weakling. Here are the loose transcripts of bits of that tete-a-tete...

Her: Sweetie, that was a nice thought. You make me feel vulnerable though. That is a side to the deal I hate to look at.
Me: hmm. Sorry ya. I guess I pulled some skeletons out.
Her: Mad or what? No re. Just made me face something I was not too happy looking at.
Me: So you have a take on it?
Her: Tell me sweetie, if someone let you down during a really vulnerable time... Didn't listen, shortchanged you, ignored the issue, would you trust that person the next time you were really low?
Me: Shit. No!
Her: How about people you aren't too close to? Or those who are uncomfortable with negative emotions?
Me: Mad or what?
Her: Well, if this happens a little too often anytime, we just learn to cope on our own re. Then later, even if we meet people we can trust, it takes time to build it up. Sayings were not made in a vacuum you know....
Me: Enh?
Her: Once burnt twice shy. You not too strong on thought today? :D
Me: hehehe. Well, can't say I've been there. The last few years have been the maddest for me... And I've had you around then...

At this point personal incidences came up. We shall, for the sake of confidentiality, pass on ahead...

Her: But tell me, how do you call me strong? I mean, you know just how silly I am...
Me: I consider you strong because you can keep your issues aside and find time and concern for another's' tears. And that is not something easy, is it?
Her: Nope. But don't we all?
Me: You saw me try that recently?
Her: Well... You are preoccupied......
Me: Egg-zactly! But you have never been so preoccupied as to not listen to my moaning, have you? And you actually even got down to helping me sort things out for myself.... When you were not in the best of places yourself....
Her: For you girl.... Always.
Me: That's just why I call you strong. Because you can hear out other people even when you are dealing with stuff.
Her: But that is just concern!
Me: Yes, and the strength to show it. That's what I lack, na? Not the concern... Just the rest.
Her: Ummm.... Never saw it that way....
Me: That's why I call you a twit.... :P

We shall now remove a part due the use of profanity (though affectionate)....

Me: So you will finally grant you are strong? Come on... I even wrote a post on you on my blog cos I see you as strong....
Her: And you saw a lot of things that I thought were invisible...
Me: I just woke up to it one day. Then felt bad that I rarely am there for you, and sit and cry over my issues.
Her: That's really what is sweet ga. You saw something that I could not show of my own volition. Because I'm scared that exposing the need for support could make me vulnerable. So I can only show that there is a problem..... Like I said about the time when......
Me: Ya I know.
Her: But you managed to see that I was not ok. That's important.
Me: Just that?
Her: Darling.... You asked me if I was ok.... That showed you cared. Sometimes, that is enough. Makes the feeling of loneliness go far away.
Me: And that helps? That much???
Her: Yup. jhoot bolega kya mein?
Me: Hehe. Nope.

The rest of the conversation is again a little controversial. Thus, shall call it a day here.

note: This may get modified in the next couple of days. In case my memory brings up an interesting tidbit.

note 2: If this sound like a mutual admiration club, well, yes it is!

note 3: The reason I wanted to put this here, was to get a little of the strong person's ideas in directly. They are human too. Just humans who manage to see other humans more than most can. And that, is their real strength. The rest are just artifacts of this one fact.

Weakened by Strength.

2006-07-04T23:47:00.000+05:30

Strength is a weakness - maybe, worse than any other. For, when the strong feel weak, they find they have little to fall back on. There is no space to rest; as no one can actually grasp just how strong their need for support is. Some like to believe that no storm can weaken the strong; some are unable to come to terms with the weakness of the previously strong; and others just ignore the weakness of the strong.
And so, the strong must weather the storm alone. They stay isolated. With luck, no one will demand their time and strength during the moments of weakness.

Most of the time, it is taken for granted that the strong "will cope, will get on". Even if they can't. No-one wants to see the strong as fallible. And so the pretend game for the day is - They will not just survive, but do just fine!

And in the process, those dubbed strong lose out on a lot of the support they really need. Some go under. Those that do survive, are accompanied forevermore by a shadow of that lonely pain they experienced. It makes them wistful, it makes them vulnerable to feeling lonely. It even makes them a little angry about the world around them.
Even when they take that deep breath and move on, they may not feel whole. Especially when they extend support to others... and for a moment, the loneliness of old flashes past them as they attempt to erase it from the eyes of another.

So you see, even strength is sometimes a weakness.

At it again!

2006-07-04T23:25:00.000+05:30

In the last few years, every time I have attempted any major change in my life, I have started a new blog; Most often, discontinuing the old one(s). A personal idiosyncrasy. I suppose writing from a new perspective helps me adjust to that perspective... None, except one, has been public before. And none, with no exceptions, ever came as close to my real life as I mean this one to. I have never mentioned names before, or the realtime situations. For some reason though, I feel strong enough to let go of most veils this time.

And now, Back to the future!